January 30, 2015

10 things you can say to your baby, but not your spouse

By the time you’ve reached adulthood, you’ve hopefully learned the fine art of tactful speech.  You know…knowing how to differentiate appropriate comments from words that might earn you the stink eye.  Then you have a baby and suddenly conversation etiquette no longer applies.  But beware!  There’s a double standard…

10 Things you can say to your baby but not your spouse www.bestofbabylady.com

 1. I think it’s time to cut you off from the boob.
If you’re like most moms, you’ll eventually reach the point where you just can’t stand the thought of whipping out the boob any more…for your baby.  Your baby will get over it, but your husband?  Not so much.  Wean the baby, not the husband.

2. What a cute double chin…
Are words no woman ever wants or needs to hear.  Jowls are adorable on a baby.  And maybe a bull dog.  But if your wife asks about her double chin, your best answer is “What double chin?  Your neck is so long and graceful!”

3.  Alright! That was a great poop you just did!
Non-parents won’t understand this, but poops are legitimate cause for celebration when you become a parent.  That said,  baby poops are great, but nobody wants to hear about adult poops. Keep those nasties to yourself.

4.  That little bald spot of yours is just the cutest!
Unless your baby spends all of his time on her belly, he will eventually develop a bald spot on his head from friction.  Super cute on a baby, but it’s doubtful your husband will appreciate the reference to his inevitable aging.  Instead of commenting on his hair loss, maybe compliment on how “wise” and “mature” his appearance has gotten.

5.  Please, don’t ever grow up…
Said no woman ever to her spouse.  Immature and childish is cute on a baby, not so much on a man.

6.  You gained 3 pounds…way to go! 
Weight gain in a baby is every parent’s goal, but you’ll never hear a woman bragging that she’s in the 95th percentile.  Do not praise your wife for packing on the pounds!  In fact, make no mention of it.  Ever.

7.  All you care about is my boobies. 
Ok, maybe this is true for both your baby and your husband.  But while it’s totally normal in your infant, you might need to sit down and have a long conversation with the man.  And maybe wear your nursing cover.

8.  Just hold still so I can pick that booger out of your nose. 
Your baby needs help with this, your spouse does not.  Sure, every couple has different levels of intimacy, but woman, you are not his momma!

9.  Look how many dimples you have on your tushy!
Compliment the dimples in her cheeks.  Comment on how cute her tush looks in those yoga pants.  But never combine the two in the same sentence!

10. Hey there thunder thighs!  You have rolls for days!
Two words:  THUNDER THIGHS. If I even need to explain why you should never say this to your wife, we have bigger problems than a confused concept of conversational etiquette.

Hey there thunder thighs! You have rolls for days! #bestofbaby www.bestofbabylady.com Click To Tweet

 

 10 Things you can say to your baby but not your spouse www.bestofbabylady.com

So before you’re about to comment on squishy thighs or make a boobie reference, ask yourself…will this earn me a night of sleeping on the couch?  Or just some googley-eyed grins from pinchable little cheeks?  Because the welfare of your marriage might depend on it (or at the very least, your good night’s sleep). 

 

www.bestofbabylady.com

 

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Iulia is a former educator turned stay-at-home mama of a spunky toddler and a squishy infant. With a touch of sass and a good dose of self-deprecating humor, she has an ever-expanding repertoire of bloopers, insights, stories, and impassioned opinions to share. Iulia likes to think she has this parenting gig figured out, but her littles remind her daily just how far from the truth that is.

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38 Comments

  • GrowingInHisGrace@yahoo.com'
    Reply Deborah January 30, 2015 at 1:27 am

    Ah…yes…number one would NOT go over so well. Thank you for making me laugh tonight and head to bed with a smile and light heart.
    Blessings,

    • Reply Bestofbaby January 31, 2015 at 12:36 am

      I’m glad I could offer a few laughs 🙂

  • feyen2000@gmail.com'
    Reply Ifeoma Samuel January 30, 2015 at 2:16 am

    This is hilarious!!
    You made me laugh. Thank you so much for linking this up. God Bless you.

    http://purposefulandmeaningful.blogspot.com/
    Ifeoma Samuel recently posted…DEALING WITH EMBARRASSING ISSUESMy Profile

    • Reply Bestofbaby January 31, 2015 at 12:36 am

      It was my pleasure! Thanks for visiting 🙂

  • aligilbert83@gmail.com'
    Reply Ali Gilbert January 30, 2015 at 8:05 am

    Hahahaha! So cute and so true!

  • lifewithlorelai@gmail.com'
    Reply Life With Lorelai January 30, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    Hahaha. Definitely a top 10 list of what NOT to put on your Valentine’s Day card to your loved one! Thanks for sharing at the #HomeMattersParty 🙂

    ~Lorelai
    Life With Lorelai
    Life With Lorelai recently posted…Home Matters Linky Party #22My Profile

    • Reply Bestofbaby January 31, 2015 at 12:35 am

      Ha wouldn’t that be funny to have a series of “joke” cards with these things on there?

  • baskin.stacia@gmail.com'
    Reply Stacia January 30, 2015 at 8:33 pm

    Your baby’s little legs are so precious!
    Stacia recently posted…February Photo Challenge (Join Me!)My Profile

    • Reply Bestofbaby January 31, 2015 at 12:36 am

      Thank you Stacia!

  • denise@mylifecookbook.com'
    Reply Denise Wright January 31, 2015 at 6:17 am

    Love the pic! Nothing is more squeezable that chubby, baby thighs. My son is 10 so I miss those days but now I have a new nephew and grand babies to squeeze. Great post! (found you on Saturday Soirree)
    Denise Wright recently posted…Day Tripping with Rick – Portland, Oregon – West & SouthMy Profile

  • monicambooth@gmail.com'
    Reply Monica January 31, 2015 at 5:37 pm

    Very cute post, reminds me of the slightly less family-friendly “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” skit. Thanks for the laughs!
    Monica recently posted…Baby Update – 34 Weeks!My Profile

  • lbp@lifebreathpresent.com'
    Reply Life Breath Present February 2, 2015 at 10:15 am

    Haha! These are incredibly true. You can also make comments about their eating habits and manner of mess making without recourse lol 🙂
    Life Breath Present recently posted…Another Way of Looking At ItMy Profile

  • kelhof87@gmail.com'
    Reply Kelly Mock February 2, 2015 at 10:25 am

    So funny! Love this!!! Make sure to enter the giveaway on my page! http://happilyevermock.blogspot.com/2015/02/freshly-picked-giveaway.html
    Kelly Mock recently posted…Freshly Picked Giveaway!My Profile

  • justbeeblog@gmail.com'
    Reply Hannah Olson February 2, 2015 at 7:07 pm

    I love these!! So so funny!! Thanks for sharing!! 🙂

  • mer.wouters@gmail.com'
    Reply Meredith @ The Palette Muse February 2, 2015 at 9:34 pm

    Hilarious! This truly had me laughing out loud! Thanks for the grins, and nice to meet you on Mom 2 Mom Monday.
    Meredith @ The Palette Muse recently posted…Easy Watercolor Heart GarlandMy Profile

  • cwilliams2234@gmail.com'
    Reply Chelea February 3, 2015 at 10:21 am

    I love this!! I have said all of these things to my baby.. I love your thunder thighs and let me pick the stuff out of your nose!!! HAHA love it
    Chelea recently posted…Bachlor Recap/ TV ListingsMy Profile

  • natalie@opendoortraders.com'
    Reply Natalie February 3, 2015 at 11:23 am

    HAHAHA too too true! Those are some adorable thunder thighs for sure! Just stopping by from the link-up- have a great week!

  • eucalyptica@hotmail.com'
    Reply Jenny @ Unremarkable Files February 3, 2015 at 12:54 pm

    Followed you over here from Mommy Monday and this was hilarious! I think that all the time when I go on and on praising my baby for how big and fat he’s getting. Everybody likes a chubby baby, and this time we’re especially excited to finally see him packing on the weight because we had such a hard time to get him to gain anything in the beginning!
    Jenny @ Unremarkable Files recently posted…What Motherhood Taught Me About God: Our Infinite WorthMy Profile

  • amlee920@gmail.com'
    Reply ashley February 3, 2015 at 1:59 pm

    Ha! Love this!

  • 4woodbeauties@gmail.com'
    Reply Kathryn February 3, 2015 at 8:30 pm

    These are great! We call thunder thighs Dairy Queen legs. Unfortunately my children were to small to have them .
    Kathryn recently posted…Freaking Awesome Sloppy JoesMy Profile

  • FunMoneyFinds@hotmail.com'
    Reply Lisa February 3, 2015 at 9:10 pm

    OMG…I laughed so hard at these. Then I had to read them to my husband and he laughed too! Great blog!!!

  • normaleverydaylife@yahoo.com'
    Reply normaleverydaylife February 3, 2015 at 9:47 pm

    I love baby thighs. They are so irresistible to squeeze! It’s amazing what we celebrate and talk about with our kids that we don’t want to say or talk about with our spouse! 🙂 Visiting you from Tuesday Talk.
    normaleverydaylife recently posted…Sister LoveMy Profile

  • rchreviewlh@yahoo.com'
    Reply Lynda Hardy February 4, 2015 at 4:18 pm

    hahaha – I dunno, I might say #4….
    Lynda Hardy recently posted…Valentine’s Day Gift RoundupMy Profile

  • deliberatemom@gmail.com'
    Reply Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom February 5, 2015 at 4:36 pm

    Oh my goodness, I was gagging at some of these they were so funny! LOL

    Thanks for the laughs! I tweeted!

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    xoxo
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…7 Frustrating Things People Say to a Homeschooling ParentMy Profile

  • jsdimas84@gmail.com'
    Reply Jessica Dimas February 5, 2015 at 6:27 pm

    Lol this was cute, the first one especially made me laugh. Hope you have a great weekend!
    Jessica Dimas recently posted…How I Got On The Huffington PostMy Profile

  • mommyzoid@gmail.com'
    Reply Stephanie McDougall @ Mommyzoid February 5, 2015 at 7:21 pm

    This cracks me up! I love your sense of humour!!! <3

    Stephanie @ Mommyzoid

  • monica.geglio@mommyandlove.com'
    Reply Monica Geglio February 6, 2015 at 12:21 am

    Wean the baby, not the husband…. HAHAHAHAHAHAAAA. Funny post. :D:D

  • faithalongtheway@gmail.com'
    Reply Sarah Ann February 6, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    Ha! LOVE this adorable post! Thanks the lighthearted tone and the smile on my face when reading it! Thanks for sharing with the Saturday Soiree Blog Party. You’re featured this week!
    Sarah Ann recently posted…Change Your Life in 5 Easy StepsMy Profile

  • scdoring@hotmail.com'
    Reply AdoringFamily February 6, 2015 at 7:40 pm

    Too funny!
    AdoringFamily recently posted…5 Tips For Your Newborn’s First MonthMy Profile

  • Reply Faith Along the Way February 6, 2015 at 8:02 pm

    […] Best of Baby: 10 Things You Can Say to Your Baby but Not Your Spouse […]

  • aprilard1@yahoo.com'
    Reply April February 7, 2015 at 6:41 am

    Cute list! I really enjoyed it 🙂

  • becky.goerend@gmail.com'
    Reply Becky @ bybmg February 7, 2015 at 10:33 pm

    This made me giggle! Thanks for linking up with Tuesday Talk!
    Becky @ bybmg recently posted…High Five for Friday 2.6My Profile

  • rachael.faith@gmail.com'
    Reply Rach D February 8, 2015 at 10:07 am

    I love this!! Super cute…especially number 7, lol 😉

    I missed your last post on breastfeeding advocacy but your comments have caused me to feel I missed out. On to check it out!
    Thanks for sharing on this week’s Mom 2 Mom Encouragement Linky Party! Hope you come join us again soon, Rachael @ Diamonds in the Rough

  • tiffanyhenfling@gmail.com'
    Reply Tiffany @ Wife.Mother.Teacher. February 28, 2015 at 8:13 pm

    LOL, every time I read this it cracks me up! Such a fantastic list and oh so true. 🙂

    • Reply Bestofbaby March 1, 2015 at 5:45 pm

      Ha thanks Tiffany!

  • Reply 10 Things You Can Say to Your Baby, But Not Your Spouse | The H2O Standard March 31, 2015 at 6:05 pm

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  • Reply 10 Things You Can Say to Your Baby, But Not Your Spouse | Cell Phone Plans March 31, 2015 at 8:40 pm

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  • Reply 10 Things You Can Say to Your Baby, But Not Your Spouse March 31, 2015 at 9:29 pm

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