December 8, 2014

Ask me how my baby is sleeping…no really, ask me!

There’s a sentiment going around in the mommy world: “Don’t ask me how my baby is sleeping!” Oh, sleep…perhaps the most sensitive topic for parents of babies.

Maybe you have a baby that does this all night:

Photo credit: Kekka / Foter / CC BY

Or maybe your baby’s approach to sleep looks more like this:

Photo credit: naydeeyah / Foter / CC BY

Either way, baby sleep can be a very polarizing topic. Parents of bad sleepers want to secretly give well rested parents a punch concoction of 5 Hour Energy and Red Bull, just so they can see what it’s like to be awake for hours on end (or maybe they just want to give them a real punch…of the fist variety). Parents of great sleepers want to give you unsolicited advice…in 3 easy steps, you too can get your child to sleep through the night! (Ok, maybe not all of them are like that, but when you’re one of the parents with the bad sleepers, it sure feels like everyone else is trying to give you the magic cure-all formula.) Many people have been lauding their comfort. Going to will provide you many reviews to dissect.

I think through that unspoken tension between the two sleeping worlds, there developed a movement to just avoid the sleep topic altogether: “Don’t ask me how my baby is sleeping!”

I get where they’re coming from, but I just don’t agree. I say, DO ask me how my baby is sleeping…no really, ask! Motherhood is a shared journey…not just with your spouse, but with other moms everywhere. I love being able to share the joys and trials of this adventure with other mommas. If my baby is waking up every hour, I want to be able to lament my lack of sleep with you (and give an explanation for why I’m so un-showered and scatterbrained). If my baby is sleeping through the night, I want to be able to rejoice with you that I FINALLY feel human again (and smell better too)! So please, do ask me me how my baby is sleeping…really, ask me!

[But if I have a wakeful baby, just maybe hold off on any unsolicited advice…because as any mommy of a poor sleeper can attest, we’ve read all the books, used all of the devices, and tried all the tricks. And all that’s left is to lament to another sympathetic mommy…and sleep whenever you can, like this lady (not me, but I’ve totally been there done that)]:

Photo credit: jrwi / Foter / CC BY-NC-SA


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Iulia is a former educator turned stay-at-home mama of a spunky toddler and a squishy infant. With a touch of sass and a good dose of self-deprecating humor, she has an ever-expanding repertoire of bloopers, insights, stories, and impassioned opinions to share. Iulia likes to think she has this parenting gig figured out, but her littles remind her daily just how far from the truth that is.

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    Reply Chelsea Phelps December 8, 2014 at 3:14 pm

    I love your take on this! I felt like there were questions people avoided asking me during my pregnancy, but I am such an open book, so I always wanted to say “No really, ask me anything!”.

    Reply Claire Voss December 8, 2014 at 10:26 pm

    I stumbled upon your blog through the link-up and you are so encouraging! My husband and I have been somewhat terrified to have kids because of what we hear with lack of sleep, etc. Thanks for sharing!:)

    Reply Sarah @ Seriously, Sarah? December 15, 2014 at 7:34 am

    That second picture is too cute! It definitely makes sense not to give unsolicited advice. I was such a bad sleeper that my mom still mentions it–I’m almost 27! I still don’t sleep well, so I think that’s why it still comes up. I think my parents have some pretty funny stories about baby proofing a room and them sleeping on a mattress on the floor while I climbed all over them all night.

    Reply Danielle December 15, 2014 at 8:57 am

    I am typically in the same camp as you, ask me, share your wisdom (or give me a high five because we did it!). But there has been some sort of pushy advice out there too…so my stance “Ask away! But don’t offer advice unless I solicite it, please and thanks”.

    Reply Jessica and Katie Sweet Little Ones December 15, 2014 at 9:06 pm

    I totally agree. We can celebrate or commiserate together or we can learn from each other (if asked!). I love getting advice from moms who have “been there, done that”, but only when I ask them! Thanks for the great post 🙂 Stopping by from the link up! -Jess /

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