February 9, 2015

Is my baby drunk? And other crazy mom moments…

Motherhood can make you kind of crazy.  But the thing is, you feel totally justified in that craziness.  Years later, you’ll probably look back and say “Did I really… what was I thinking?!” but in the moment, cain’t nobody talk sense into you.  What you’re doing is TOTALLY normal, never mind if everyone else is giving you side glances and wondering if you’ve lost your marbles.

Mama, you OWN that craziness.  Just like I owned mine…

The Lysol Incident

Yea yea, germs are good, build your kids’ immunity, and all that.  Tell me what mom of a new baby actually buys that?  Not this one.  Call me crazy (oh wait, I already admitted to that), but I’d rather not put my kids’ germ fighting abilities to the test.  

So then there was that time I dropped my son’s paci on the floor at church…and FREAKED OUT.  We  obviously couldn’t make the car ride home without a paci (all 15 minutes of it), but I obviously couldn’t give him a pacifier that had fallen on the floor…he might catch the Spanish Flu or something!  I know!  There’s Lysol in the bathroom.  I’ll just spray it with that.  Oh my gosh, I just sprayed my son’s paci with Lysol, what was I thinking?  I don’t even use Lysol in my house!  Anyone have an unopened, newborn sized, orthodontic paci I could have?  No?  It’s going to be a long ride home….

Hot Lava!

My son started crawling early…like before he could even sit up.  You might be saying to yourself “Alright buddy, way to be ahead of the curve!”  Stop that nonsense.  Crawling means being on the floor (I tried to only let him crawl on elevated surfaces, ahem, that didn’t work out so well) and being on the floor means germs.  Germs people, GERMS.

Since exclusive bed-crawling wasn’t going to happen, I got a special little “floor crawling blanket” (I like to think it was infused with magical germ repelling properties).  But if so much as one toe ventured off the blanket? HOT LAVA!  Mama helicopter (oh, that’s another term I “own”) coming in for the rescue!  Whew, that was a close call…he almost caught that Spanish Flu again.

By now you’re thinking, “Well, how long does she think she can restrict a curious baby to a 4’x 3′ blanket?”  Don’t worry guys, turns out blankets come in lots of different sizes.  I just bought a bigger blanket!

Is my baby drunk?

Then there was the time I thought my baby was going to get drunk.  One day, I was out with my son when he touched something I thought was dirty (probably hot lava).  Never one to leave the house without some germ killing mechanism, I whipped out my hand sanitizer and sterilized his hands (and maybe an arm or two for good measure).  But wait, that’s not the crazy part.  I got to thinking, “Hey…is hand sanitizer even baby safe?”…so I turned to the most reliable resource for all parenting questions — Google. 

Oh my goodness did you know that delinquent toddlers across the country are partying it up with hand sanitizer?  Umm, what I mean to say is that there have been cases of kids ingesting sanitizer and having elevated blood alcohol levels.  And since anything you put on your skin gets absorbed into your body….oh my gosh my baby is going to get drunk!  It totally makes sense — if big kids can be affected by licking hand sanitizer off their hands, my little baby, whose body can tolerate way less alcohol than a two year old (#mybabyisalightweight), could too.  Oh come on.  I’m sure I’m not the first person to ever Google “Signs your baby is acting tipsy…”

The Truck Stop

Lest you think my craziness only involves germs, let me clarify something for you…I’m a woman of many crazies.  Because I’m well-rounded like that. 

Here’s a picture of my son when we brought him home from the hospital:

Crazy Mom Stories www.bestofbabylady.com

I’m glad we took that picture, because it memorialized just about the only time he was ever content in his car seat.  The kid HATED car rides when he was a baby.  So naturally, like all misguided parents who are determined to not let their baby upset their lifestyle (hold on, let me pause a minute while I finish laughing) we decided to go on a road trip to visit family. 

He cried and cried, but at some point he became so hysterical that we decided we just couldn’t keep driving.  So we pulled into the only stopping area for miles — a truck weigh station.  Picture the tiniest little car among truck giants.  To make matters even more ridiculous, half of the station was blocked off with cones.  Well ain’t nothing going to stop this crazy lady from calming her hysterical baby…so we just drove right through them.  I am mama hear me roar!  We got out, and started vigorously swinging our car seat back and forth in an attempt to calm down our son. 

The cherry on top was when the police officer came out to ask us if everything was ok.  “NO officer, everything is OBVIOUSLY NOT OK.  CAN’T YOU SEE OUR BABY IS CRYING!? Never mind that we’re parked illegally in a truck weigh station.  You must not have kids.”

These stories may seem like exaggerations, but I assure you they’re not.  Crazy is what crazy does, and I’m a crazy momma when it comes to tending to my kids.  But you know what?  I own it, because this crazy mama acts out of crazy love.  Plus, it makes for a crazy good story to tell.

Do you have any “crazy mom moments”?  I’d love to hear about them!


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Iulia is a former educator turned stay-at-home mama of a spunky toddler and a squishy infant. With a touch of sass and a good dose of self-deprecating humor, she has an ever-expanding repertoire of bloopers, insights, stories, and impassioned opinions to share. Iulia likes to think she has this parenting gig figured out, but her littles remind her daily just how far from the truth that is.

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  • blissstreetcreations@gmail.com'
    Reply Erica February 9, 2015 at 1:55 pm

    I had to laugh when I read this because I too have thought my baby would get drunk. I caught him with the Purell bottle in his mouth and he was gagging. For the next hour I stared at him making sure he didn’t start acting like a drunk frat boy!
    Erica recently posted…Here’s your Valentine, Valentine! Free Printables!My Profile

    • Reply Bestofbaby February 9, 2015 at 10:01 pm

      Ahaha the Frat boy comment was hilarious! But oh my goodness, I think I would have been in full on panic mode!

  • deliberatemom@gmail.com'
    Reply Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom February 9, 2015 at 6:13 pm

    Some of these are too funny.

    I never knew that about the hand sanitizer… I have alcohol wipes that I use on everything when we’re out in public because I’m a bit of a germaphobe!

    Thanks for the giggles.

    Wishing you a lovely day.
    Jennifer | The Deliberate Mom recently posted…Household Management: How to Budget Your Time WiselyMy Profile

    • Reply Bestofbaby February 9, 2015 at 10:03 pm

      Yes! I carry no less than 3 types of sanitizer with me when I’m out with the kids…I just seem to collect them! And I’d be lying if I said I’d never brought sanitizing wipes with me to restaurants. Those tables can be nasty and my kid generally eats off the table more than his plate :/

  • mommyzoid@gmail.com'
    Reply Stephanie McDougall @ Mommyzoid February 9, 2015 at 6:57 pm

    THIS. IS. AMAZING. I really thought I was going to be more of a crazy germaphobe with my son because I was pretty neurotic pre baby. Once he was born I was soooooooo chill about that stuff. Probably too chill!?

    Thanks for sharing these!!!

    Stephanie @ Mommyzoid

    • Reply Bestofbaby February 9, 2015 at 10:04 pm

      Oh man I sooo wish that had happened to me. I was the complete opposite…my germaphobia ramped up to all new levels!

  • jsdimas84@gmail.com'
    Reply Jessica Dimas February 9, 2015 at 9:40 pm

    LOL this was so cute. I was way more of a germaphobe with my first baby, although the blanket for crawling even outdid my craziness hahahaha! Sometimes I scare myself now with how lax I am on germs, like I’m sure my kids will bring back the Black Plague or something because I’ve become so careless.

    • Reply Bestofbaby February 9, 2015 at 10:06 pm

      Hahaha yea I’ve slightly loosened up with my second one, but mainly because I realized it was a lost battle with a toddler. My toddler threw up on me the other day, and I was really tempted to go take a bath in hand sanitizer before I touched my baby, but then he promptly touched her hand which she then put in her mouth and I was like “well, that ship has sailed..”

  • monica.geglio@mommyandlove.com'
    Reply Monica Geglio February 9, 2015 at 9:43 pm

    This post actually makes me feel like I never cared at all about germs… I don’t own lysol. I always gave my daughter her paci back after it fell on the floor… except in public restrooms or other questionable tile floors. I typically wiped it on my pants and handed it back to her. Don’t ask… I realize now that I was probably only adding to the germ pool on her paci. Luckily, she’s now a healthy 3 year old!

    I am still desperately holding onto this idea despite having a 3 year old and 1 year old —->”like all misguided parents who are determined to not let their baby upset their lifestyle” Ha. :/ I only let myself feel how impossible this is for like TWO MINUTES EACH WEEK..MONTH… I’m in denial.

    Funny stories! Thanks for sharing. <3

    • Reply Bestofbaby February 9, 2015 at 10:08 pm

      Monica I WISH I had even an ounce of that laid back attitude, but laid back mom I am NOT! And it’s stressful being paranoid all the time!!

      And keep on being in denial! Ignorance is bliss 🙂 (but seriously, there are some parents that manage to carry on their super cool lifestyles even after having kids…I don’t understand it, but I’m totally in awe of them!)

  • eucalyptica@hotmail.com'
    Reply Jenny @ Unremarkable Files February 10, 2015 at 4:46 pm

    I’ve never cared much about germs. Sometimes when my Baby No. 5’s pacifier falls on the floor someone else will pick it up and gasp, “Oh, no! It fell on the floor! I’ll give this to you so he can’t get it.” I’ll just smile politely and wait until they walk away to give it back to him so they don’t feel bad. (Don’t worry, I blow off the dust first.)
    Jenny @ Unremarkable Files recently posted…The Day I Realized I’ll Never Wear Skinny JeansMy Profile

    • Reply Bestofbaby February 17, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      Hahaha I wish I was more nonchalant like that!

  • irkedmommy@gmail.com'
    Reply Echo February 12, 2015 at 9:46 pm

    Crazy is a crazy does! I love that. Believe me, I thrive on crazy, lol.

    Thank you for sharing at the #SHINEBlogHop!

  • lisahealy@outlook.com'
    Reply Lisa/Syncopated Mama February 13, 2015 at 1:01 pm

    Hilarious! Glad to know I’m not the only one with these crazy thoughts! Thanks for such a great laugh today. 🙂

  • crystal@sosomom.com'
    Reply Crystal February 13, 2015 at 1:23 pm

    My child once licked fresh cow poop off his hand. I put hand sanitizer in his mouth. He’s alive. I am pretty over dirty pacis now. Found you via #HomeMattersParty

    • Reply Bestofbaby February 17, 2015 at 4:42 pm

      OH MY GOSH Crystal this cracked me up…but yea I would have FREAKED.

  • nicole.hallford@gmail.com'
    Reply Nicole Hallford February 14, 2015 at 9:34 am

    My daughter dug her fingers into the plastic wrap of a package of raw hamburger meat at the grocery store once, busting that thing open and getting raw meat all over her hands. I had raced to the aisle with the hand sanitizers and was scrubbing her fingers vigorously before I realized I was kind of stealing hand sanitizer and had to buy a huge pump of it that I didn’t actually need! You gotta do what you gotta do!
    Nicole Hallford recently posted…A Day in PicturesMy Profile

    • Reply Bestofbaby February 17, 2015 at 4:43 pm

      Oh geez raw meet is one of my biggest “cringe” inducers. I HATE IT. I would have had no hesitations about breaking open a new bottle of the hand sanitizer.

  • sweetlittleonesblog@gmail.com'
    Reply Jess February 16, 2015 at 2:58 pm

    That hand sanitizer one is really cracking me up! Mostly because when I read it I thought, “I’ve lathered my kid in hand sanitizer before…I didn’t even think it might be absorbed through their skin!” Haha. Such a funny post…I love it! Thanks for linking up with us for Tuesday Talk! – Jess
    Jess recently posted…Resolution Check-In: Prayer LifeMy Profile

  • Reply My SCARY MOMMY Debut! – Best of Baby March 4, 2015 at 8:41 am

    […] I’ve already confessed to being a crazy mommy…but now I can officially say I’m a scary mommy too!  Well, at least I was […]

  • ashtree97@gmail.com'
    Reply Ashley Egan March 4, 2015 at 12:50 pm

    I am so glad that I am not the only one who was grossed out by my kid crawling and then putting her hands in her mouth! One of my first road trips with my oldest child, I was so terrified that I would leave her in the Sheetz, I paid for my items and promptly left them instead. But did grab the baby! My daughters really enjoyed Guns and Roses, so we spent many a road trip listening to them. Thanks for linking up to Awesome Life Friday!
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